Finding a Happy Middle
One of the things that I’ve been thinking about a lot these past few days, as it begins to truly and deeply settle in that we’re now living a very different lifestyle, is how disconnected I’m beginning to feel from the things that used to be a part of how I defined myself. I used to spend hours online, trolling through Etsy, making minor changes to my Etsy shop, connecting with fellow metal artists, reading blogs for inspiration and support. As silly as it seems to draw some self-definition from this virtual world, they were all connections that made me feel like me. And now that we’re on the road, and internet access is proving to be a bit spotty, and pulling out the computer is more of a hassle than we expected, these former connections are feeling more and more distant (and let’s not even get into the former offline connections with our Long Beach community) – and it’s throwing me for a bit of a loop.
Am I really more of a home-body than I thought I was? Am I really cut out for this? The doubts start creeping in really easily when you start feeling discouraged.
But, I don’t think that it’s really that black-and-white. I believe that there’s a happy middle ground somewhere, a happy gray area. Hard to find and hard to define, but I think I’m starting to get hints about how to re-incorporate it into my day-to-day.
We’re on Orcas Island again, hiding out from the rain and plotting our next direction. And it gave me the time to create a pair of headbadges for our hosts here. It was the first time that I’ve pulled out my portable studio and really worked on anything (and anyone out there who works at any sort of creative or hands-on livelihood will understand just how easy it is to not work and how much better you feel when you finally get back to it). And, now I’m online, blogging, reading, working on my online shop. It’s a small-but-vital connection to the me that’s been on hold for these past few weeks while we worked on figuring out the basics of how to “be” on the road for an extended period of time.
I have to believe that anyone who walks away from one lifestyle to try another, no matter how exciting the new endeavor, will feel a bit of nostalgia from time-to-time and grapple with a sort of homesickness. But, I’d be willing to bet that most of us don’t own up to it. I know it’s taken me a while to admit, even to myself, that I miss those things that I left behind (and that this feeling of being disconnected doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m not simultaneously enjoying traveling and meeting new people). So, I thought I’d own up to it here, in the spirit of full transparency, so that we don’t come across as overly-superhuman (even though, sometimes, we kinda are).
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what a lovely post laura. thanks for sharing!
Transitions are like that. You will eventually settle into a new kind of rhythm that feels like home. But it takes a while to drift about in your new freedom, both in terms of responsibility and from your online life. People are creatures of habit, and so you will eventually develop new and different habits. Make sure to enjoy the unease you are feeling. It is you growing and expanding and living. And when you finally do settle, you will find you have new skills. Skills that will help you deal with the change that is dealt to you, and a bit more courage to make the choice to change when fear of uncertainty is trying to stifle you. Kudos to you for pushing your boundaries. … May you always have a safe place to land, and may you never need it.
Hi Laura,
nicely said. Leaving the comfort zone is not an easy task. And settling into another way of living has the danger of setting up a new comfort zone. But we only grow and reach out and inspire others and feel inspired and live our full destiny, when we go the borders and beyond … of our current comfort zone 😉
Happy travels, greetings from Shanghai, China, Juergen
Laura,
Your post about the gray scale had me searching for something I wrote a long time ago that almost touched on the same feeling. I agree that its not just black and white. I do however believe that the middle gray area of life is a human fishing net. Most get caught, you two have found an escape. Know that seeing this land and being away from the “internets” is to your benefit, but I understand your yearning for these modern luxuries. Here’s what I wrote about “The Gray Scale.”
Dispel your thoughts about the medium. This middle gray area where most find solace because it is believed no extra thought must go into your thoughts in the gray area of life. This area exists in our lives as the usual environment that never seems to change from one hand to another. But as one lives in this gray area one must, in a sense, fight to remain there, because eventually the colors from either side of this spectrum form this residual film of their color in your gray area. Then in order to get your lonely shade of gray back in focus, you must put a little time and energy into the running colors. Although this attention has the purpose of covering the color—what you’re left doing is paying attention to this color. So you see even though stubborn exists—everyone must be half accepting. But on those not so distant moments when the colors start to bleed and begin forming a pallet so vibrant that looking back on your gray world seems exactly that, gray, this was one of the good days!!
-It’s the good people in our lives that make us stop to see what’s important-
A beautiful post. Thanks for sharing your journey, Jack
“Journeys, like artists, are born and not made. A thousand differing circumstances contribute to them, few of them willed or determined by the will –whatever we may think.”
—Lawrence Durrell
Dear Laura (and Russ too)
Just sending good thoughts and vibes to you. We are leaving next week, and it made me think of you. I’m so glad, Laura, that you’re able and willing to struggle with the middle area….you are both brave, good people, and Chris and I wish you all good things on your adventure.
Susan
I spent a year travelling (not cycling) in Latin America after I graduated from college (a long time ago), and some of those days out on the road were very difficult from a homesickness or identity-sickness perspective. I used to go to English-language movies just to plug into a little of the familiar. I even went to movies that I knew would be lousy, like Stallone movies for instance. Tough times notwithstanding, however, those days travelling were some of the most memorable days of my life, and I always treasure them. Hang in there!
Thanks for the post! That is one of the things I worry about when I dream about someday doing what you and Russ are doing. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in that fear/experience but that there is a way to work through it. I love your blog and love following your adventure. Thank you for sharing it with all of us!
Your sentiments so parallel mine that I thought I was reading my own post! What an incredible journey to follow life’s impulses and find yourself somewhere you never expected to be.
It was wonderful meeting you on the train, and then in town. I know I talk too much when I’m excited, sorry about that, but like you much of my communication about these topics is on-line, virtual, so meeting a kindred spirit in the flesh is too much 🙂
And, btw, a great thing I noticed about you two is that Laura isn’t just a co-host on the Him Show. Two equal spirits is a beautiful thing.
Hope to see you before you leave Eugene.
Kathryn
Great post and true showing of emotions. Many of us envy your position and the risk you both have undertaken. Keep us posted and keep up the pedaling. With two small kids I can only dream of something like what you are doing. Take care!